I am writing to you because it feels like such a long time and there are some things that I just need to say. And the truth is that I’m not really good at writing this kind of stuff. But, as much as I try to go on without you, I can’t stop myself from thinking about you everyday. I know that it didn’t work out between us and that’s just how it goes sometimes. But, that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss the hell out of you.
I know that, at times, I might not be so elegant with my words, so opening up my baseball heart is tough for me to do right now. I don’t want to write to you using purple prose that is bullshit and doesn’t mean a damn thing. I just want to be honest and let you know how I feel after everything I’ve been through since it ended between us.
There is no reason for me to ignore my feelings toward you anymore – not that I ever really did. And I know this is coming across as some lame high school love letter, but I can’t help it. I’m not good at this shit. So, fuck it, here it goes: the truth is that many of us have been trying to hold onto you for as long as we can. And I love that we gave it another shot when things failed in 2015, but 2016 just wasn’t the same.
There was something about you that I will never truly be able to let go of. And since our second try at things in 2016, everything has been shitty. Everything has been so damn bleak.
And I understand that the time has come to let go of you and move on. But, it still hurts. It’s still really tough to say good-bye. You are one of the greatest goddamn baseball things I have ever experienced and don’t you ever forget it. And I was around for 1992 and 1993. And you’re right up there with them now.
I know that the future is bright, but you will always have a special place in this guy’s heart. And for this, I want to say, “thank you.”
Tears of love lost in the days gone by...
...And even if the Vlad years bring us to our feet and bring home what we’ve all waited for since 1993, you will always have a bat-flipping place in my heart. You will always be a great story at any bar. A great story you are.
And I have spoken about you to many strangers who agree with how incredible you really were. You have left an indelible mark on all of us. One that can’t be washed away with drinks; one that will never be forgotten.
Since I’m really opening up my damn heart to you, I have a confession to make: sometimes when I’m bored at night, I watch old videos of you on YOUTUBE. And they still make me smile. I will click video after video and remember how good it once was. And how cool you really are.
It will be a couple years before something as cool as you comes back into my life. And I’m okay with it – that’s life. But, letting go of you has just been so damn hard. I have gotten pretty drunk with my friends and talked about you for hours. Talked about all of my favourite moments with you and how I wouldn’t trade you for a goddamn thing. Not one bit of it. You were worth everything, even though things haven’t been good lately.
Nothing went right in 2017 and I know that it’s not your fault. And nothing has gone right this year and I know that’s not your fault either. It’s not your fault. You were perfect. And the truth is everything really is…just fine.
I understand that something like you can’t happen year-after-year, but you can’t blame me for hoping that it would. And I’m pretty sure that you probably have heard by now, but there is someone new. And there is a new hope; a new hope that might be just as cool as you.
A new hope that might be able to help all of us get over you; a new hope that might bring back the raucous in all of us; a new hope that might only be a few tomorrows away.
But, this isn’t about that right now. This is about you. This is about our last good-bye. This is about how you did so much for me. How you made me feel complete again after so many damn lost and lonely years. I was so sick of being the lonely one, watching all the other people have fun. But, you made life fun again. You helped me remember what it feels like to be alive - to be so goddamn alive.
After 1993, nothing was ever the same. You made that right again. You will fly forever beside 1993. You are the one. You were it. And you will live forever, even when all of us who experienced you join the dirt.
Thank you, you fucking savage.