So, we have finally arrived at the greatest goddamn day of the year. And who could argue that it’s not – like, seriously. Opening Day is better than birthdays, your kid’s birthday, your grandparent’s 60th wedding anniversary, Super Bowl Sunday, your best friend’s wedding, your own wedding, graduation, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, WrestleMania, the birth of your first born, the premiere of the new Star Wars, and all the other awe-like-days of the year.
It’s also a well-known fact that Opening Day represents everything that is good in humanity, like hope, new life, peace, no-nos, bat-flips, and exit velocities. It marks the beginning of a new season of advanced math that fans can use in threads to prove that they are right and you are wrong. Holy shit! It’s that time of the year again.
We are all about to embark on a whole new season of bantering, which is better than the shitty offseason Alex-Anthopoulos-is-better-than-Mark-Shapiro bantering – or the Mark-Shapiro-and-Ross-Atkins-shit bantering or any of the other blah blah shit that has kept us all talking and thinking about baseball in the dire winter months.
So, here we are a few short hours from the gates opening at the place we all call Dome and I think that it’s important to remember how not to be that asshole at the game – not that any of you are…. So, here’s a fresh set of rules to ensure you have a fun asshole-free time at the game.
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