Hey, how are you, eh? It’s me, Doug McKenzie, here to give some advice to all you hosehead Blue Jays fans out there who feel down in the dumps kinda like when you want a Jelly doughnut and there is only like Old Fashioned Glazed ones left, eh!
My brother Bob isn’t here to join me because he passed out on the couch in the basement. He still lives at home, eh! But he tells people when we’re out and about that he has roommates, and those hoseheads actually think that he has his own place, eh. He’s a bit of knob like that.
Anyway, he can’t join me for this because he had a couple brews, then ate a box of Kraft Dinner, and then decided to take a nap. Geez, he’s a total winter wiener always sleeping, eh! But my brother Bob would probably just tell you to watch hockey and drink some beer, so he wouldn’t be any good at helping any of you Blue Jays fans suffering from the winter blues.
But I’m really excited to help you feel better. I’m a big Blue Jays fan and I remember going down to the old Ex, eh! I like baseball games because drinking beer, eating hot dogs, and watching pieces of the game is fun, eh!
So if you got the winter blues and miss baseball, here’s some stuff that you can watch to help lift your spirits, eh! It took me a 6-pack to find all the Blue Jays things that cheer this hoser up, but I did it.
My only advice though is that you make sure to do it with a two-four in the fridge, so you can have some cold beers because beer makes things not boring – speaking from my own personal experience here, eh!
When I started to look around the knob internet, I decided to put on my old thinking toque and then remembered this real doozie. If this fun commercial can't cheer you up, I don't think you're drinking enough beer, eh!
When you're an old hoser like me, it's always fun to watch some old Blue Jays commercials, eh! And Bobby Cox was one heck of a Jelly doughnut manager, but he sure isn't as good as the one we all call ol' Gibbers.
You know, sometimes when I watch these old commercials, eh, I wonder what the kids who were in them are doing today. There's this guy, Pete, who works at the Beer Store I go to, and he kinda looks like the little hoser in this commercial - I'm gonna have to ask him if he likes McDonalds, eh!
So if that's not going to be enough to help you get through the Great Northern freeze, I sometimes like to just look at George Bell samurai kick Bruce Kison.
What George Bell does is a little bit dangerous, eh - kinda like when me and Bob decided to go beer-bogging during an ice storm.
Speaking of beer, all the hosers around the world think that us Canadians drink a lot of it, so let's have a little Labatt Blue Blue Jays commercial break, eh!
And since I'm trying to cheer you up through a ride down Doug McKenzie lane, I think we should remember when CBC had some kind of party thing for the opening of the SkyDome, eh! It was kind of a big deal and, at that time, the Dome reminded me of the twist-off tops on American beer bottles, eh!
We sure know how to party up here in the Great North! Give a couple hosers some beers and a reason to celebrate and we'll have the world saying 'Eh!', eh?
But the Americans were kinda getting jealous of all of us up here because of our new stadium and team being good and stuff, so they had this to say about our Toronto Blue Jays.
They didn't really like us much, eh! They can take off. But Labatt's Blue saluted us, and I salute Labatt's Blue, it's the best pilsner out there - that's for sure, eh!
But all those American hosers can take off, eh! They were just upset because they didn't have Tome Henke down there. And sometimes when I feel like waking up the party and things are a bit slow, I like to listen to Tom Henke's 'Terminator' song. Now, if that won't cheer you up during your Blue Jays blues, I don't know what will.
I hope that you're starting to feel a little better now, I've just got one more knob thing to show you to try and help cheer all you hosers up. So if you're really feeling down in the old Canadian winter dumps, just take a look at this knobhead.
Take off, eh! Hoser!
And be thankful that up here we have the coolest hosehead of them all, eh!
I hope that you're feeling a little better now, eh! I know that you probably feel like the only doughnut you have to eat is the Old Fashioned Glazed because you have no baseball, but in a short time the counter will be stocked with all kinds of Jelly doughnuts for you to enjoy.
And remember this: If someone tells you when you're inside that you can take your toque off, eh! You tell them that they can take off.