So About This Jose Bautista Last Goodbye

So I wrote a pretty lame ode to (I guess) paying respect to Jose Bautista in this final homestand of the season. And the truth is I had no intention in whatever the hell I wrote in that piece being about giving this iconic Blue Jay his one last stand.

The piece, I thought, would be about how quickly this season has come and gone as autumn waits in its October skies, but that sure isn’t what ended up happening in that brief stream of thought that I decided to type up.

I recently just celebrated another birthday on the weekend and I was feeling a bit nostalgic and reflective over these past couple of days, as I always do when another year passes. And it sure as hell isn’t getting any easier as this time thing keeps on making this spin around the sun feel like there is no slowing down until I join the dirt and stop paying taxes.

So while I was trying to type up some thoughts about the last homestand of the season, I decided to put on an old Jeff Buckley record because that’s what we all listened to as teenagers in the 90s and I’ve been pretty fuckin’ nostalgic lately. I probably won’t ever try to type something up again with Jeff Buckley in the background because reading what I wrote yesterday made me cringe slightly and throw up a bit in my mouth, but I tried - and I’m not going to hit home runs with every piece that I type up.

Now, I think, the proper thing that I should’ve done, would have been to find a cool pic of Bautista and post it with just two words below it: thank you. But I didn’t and instead I typed up some kind of attempt at some heartfelt shit. And the truth is, I’m not good at heartfelt shit.

And I know that many fans out there are holding onto the hope that Jose Bautista will return next year, but it’s probably not going to happen. And who knows? Maybe it will, but … yeah, probably not.

Now I would love to see the Toronto FO find a way to trade Morales and sign Bautista to a one-year contract to be the 2018 DH, but since I'm transitioning into pipe dream thoughts to nowhere land - I’d also like to see Shohei Otani sign with the Blue Jays too, as the ‘Blue Jays Enquirer’ - I mean, Jays Journal, try to give seven reasons why he should in one of their recent articles (I will not link the piece) - I’m sure you have already read it and all of its false hope. I would also love the Blue Jays to acquire Giancarlo Stanton as well, but the chances of that are about as good as seeing Miles Davis come back from the dead to play a live show in a brass band at The Rex – just sayin’.

And I’m not trying to shit on the Otani and Stanton becoming a Blue Jay thing, but to quote the great Wayne Campbell, ‘Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.’ Classy, right? I know. Moving on … but can you please sign Otani and trade for Stanton - just sayin'.

But the fact is that when it comes to Bautista’s future, he’s probably not going to be putting on a Blue Jays uniform next season. According to Fan Graphs, Bautista is -0.2 WAR in 644 plate appearances with an 82 wRC+ so far this season. And, believe me, I’m not shitting on Bautista, but time cuts like a knife and it may have slashed through the skills of this great ball player, as it does to every great athlete at some point in this unforgiving time that slows down every one of us. And if there is ever a person who loves a good ol’ fashion ‘Rocky’ underdog story, it’s me, so I’d love to see a Bautista bounce back script in 2018, but I’m just not too sure (if it happens) it will be with the Toronto Blue Jays.

The truth is you don’t even need any of the nerd driven sabermetric numbers to realize that Bautista struggled in 2017, do you? But, I think, that it’s complete garbage that some fans have decided to piss all over him this season. I don’t understand the nature in humans who feel the need to hurl puerile and doltish words all over the wonderful world of the web at any chance seen fit. And many dodo heads out there have spewed their clown lexical bullshit about Jose Bautista all season long.

It reminds me of a time when I was a teenager in the oh-so-long-ago 90s. I was walking along a beach with my best friend, Matt, as we probably just finished smoking something while we listened to something in his 1989 Honda Accord.

We ended up crossing the path of a massive sized dead fish, which had washed up on the shore. And, of course, being 16-year old boys with the need to fuck shit up, we decided to count sixty feet from the dead fish, gather as many rocks as we could, and hurl them like a pitcher at it from the line we drew in the sand.

We imagined we were Dave Stieb, wound up, and tossed rock after rock at it, of course, piercing its skin and making a whole mess of this once beautiful living creature. We were young teenage boys, so I will use that as an excuse for our behaviour, but it’s a small act that shows the nature in all of us humans.

Now, the reason I’m telling this story is because that’s what many Blue Jays fans have been doing all season long to Bautista. And, it’s complete shit. So when I see dumbass questions on Twitter like this:

It frustrates the hell out of me because it’s going to attract some of these Internet scab negative assholes that need to piss on everything and anything. Anyway, I guess I’m done typing whatever the hell this stream of thought is – or was. But let’s show some damn respect people, Jose Bautista is a true Blue Jays icon that has left us with so many great memories. So I only have one message and that’s to Rogers - bronze statue the shit out of that bat flip and one of the all-time Blue Jays greats.

 bat flips are poetic
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