So I’d like to take this time to apologize to all the readers for the lack of posts over the past couple of days. On Friday night I had a bit of a party at my house and the rum punched me out on Saturday beyond any hangover I’ve ever had. It was all day Saturday where I realized exactly what the band The Pursuit of Happiness meant in their song “I’m An Adult Now” because holy hell did it suck. And then, of course, the Saturday hangover was followed by a bad migraine and some kind of critter that made me ill for the early part of the week, so, ahh, yeah - I kind of just couldn’t type up anything.
Now, here I am fresh as a goddamn tomato picked from the backyard of an Italian’s garden and I’m ready to type up this new piece that I thought of earlier in the day, so let me begin.
… And what you are about to read folks is the first edition of the “Weekly Update”. Will it be weekly? Hmm. Who knows? It could be biweekly – or some kind of weekly, but I will try to do my best to toss up a couple of these. I’m sure you’ve noticed the great shot of Chevy Chase that I’m using for this series and that’s because I am ripping off SNL’s “Weekend Update”, but what I’m going to do is take some major Blue Jays headlines and briefly break down what in the hell is going on in the world of da Birds – Bill Swerski? Super Fans? Any heart attacks? I had one, had a couple. No? Okay, moving on …
So let’s jump into the big headlines of the week, as Blue Jays land has been full of some real doozies.
Aaron Sanchez: Blisters And Pickle Juice
Blisters and a damaged ligament in the right middle finger closed out the season for Aaron Sanchez this year, and everyone understands how frustrating this season must have been for the young hurler.
So the one thing we have learnt this season is that blisters are no joke – there’s nothing funny about them at all. I remember when I was in grade 9, I wanted to get a day off of school, so I joined the track team to participate in the triple jump competition. I couldn’t jump far, I almost missed my event, but I got out of school for the day. However, I did forget to toss on some good ol’ sunscreen and being a redheaded kid with freckles, well, ahh, yeah, the next day was full of all kinds of blisters from the sun, as the good ol’ flame came down and spit in my face – that’s for fuck sure. And it was painful and not funny at all.
The thing about the pickle juice is that it is an old school magic potion that can help blisters heal, but nothing seemed to work for Sanchez this year, did it? Some use tomato juice and others try salt-water solutions, but sometimes none of that works.
The strange thing is that I think a lot of Blue Jays fans forget that Sanchez had blister problems last year in September too, and he contained the issue through most of the 2016 season. His middle finger is vulnerable to blistering and that fuckin’ sucks, so womp womp womp a big Debbie Downer sigh.
Now, Sanchez is sure that it has to do with the baseballs this year, and he might just be right. Apparently Buck Martinez has even noticed a difference in the baseballs this year too. It’s the price you pay when shit is made in China – I dunno. It’s not a funny thing and great pitchers need to be on the mound doing great things, so let’s hope to fuck that Sanchez will clear up these hot spots on his middle finger and pickle juice his way to being healthy and awesome in 2018.
It’s September and the calls up are making people #LetsRise, as the Urena train is choo choo chooing through Blue Jays land, isn’t it? It’s cool to see that’s for sure, but don’t get too excited about a small sample size here folks. I’m not trying to soak your diaper for you here, but simmer down a bit. At the end of the day, if anyone listened to Ross Atkins on Mike Wilner, well, then, Urena could be the type of prospect that the organization may use as a future trade piece in the offseason, so keep up the fine fireworks Urena. That’s all I have to say about Urena. Yup, that’s it.
And holy shit sound off the hyperbole sphincter-says-what train of thought on this little beauty of a click bait type of read. A whole lot of chatter, tweeting and chirping was happening over this Japanese future MLB star since a Blue Jays scout was spotted on the island of Japan taking in the 6’ 4”, 215-poundish kid. And guess what? He’s awesome. He’s an incredible pitcher and can hit too.
But relax on the Otani becoming a Blue Jay thing because it’s mostly an unrealistic imagine that 6/49 kind of dream that you’re hoping for here folks. The chances of him becoming a future Blue Jay are about as good as Morales hitting a triple. True story, but heck, at the end of the day if you didn’t know who this prodigious star is, well now you do – so that’s cool, so don’t forget that name when you see him playing for the Dodgers – or Yankees, but my bet is on the Dodgers.
They have their hand in the Japanese market and that’s a fact. And to add to that my good friend Ryota, who is from Japan and loves Japanese baseball, told me that there isn’t a damn chance that he will be a Blue Jay. He went on to say that Otani wants to go to the Dodgers and has wanted to play for LA since he was in high school, but what the hell does my friend Ryota know anyway?
Vlad Jr. & Bo Bichette
That’s the story. Vlad Jr. and Bo Bichette. Cool, eh!
And that’s your weekly Blue Jays update - or round up - or something. Before you go, I will leave you with this: if you can’t tweet it, don’t say it, but why tweet it anyway because no one really cares … Really - it's true.