Coach’s Corner with John Gibbons: The Wild Wild League
In this first edition of Coach’s Corner with John Gibbons, the great Manager of your Toronto Blue Jays is here to discuss the wild trash in the American League that stands ahead of the good Birds as they plan to spit tobacco all over ‘em and, of course, he has some other thoughts too.
Hey all y’all Canadian baseball cowboys, ol’ Gibbers here. I’m not sure where to start in this first edition of this ol’ piece. I’m sure y'all may think of me as the greatest darn Manager this good ball club in Canada has ever had, and you’re damn tootin’ it’s true.
This ol’ Cowboy understands that he has been your TV Dad for some time now, as I just picked up my 700th win this week. And ol’ Cito knows if you cut your own firewood, it will warm you twice. And I’ve cut my own firewood, fried my own bacon, sparked the ol’ charcoal, lit my own fires, poured my own beer, and have told some bozo umpires where to go over these goddamn years. And ain’t that the truth.
And since we’re on the topic of dogshit umpires, I just want to let y’all know that the other night when ol’ Gibbers got tossed from the game and continued to make the pitching change – I knew I got tossed. But I’m not about to let some bozo behind the plate, who missed that third strike call on good ol’ Loup, tell me where or what I should do.
I gave him a good ol’ fashion Texas cuss and told him he riled the wagon master. And the master is me. Remember folks, this Skip has the back of all his players and I’ll take the ol’ pistol whip from these umpires that don’t know nothing from nothing and, believe me, that’s something.
So I’ve noticed all y’all Canadians are hootin’ and hollerin’ again about your damn Birds. And you should be. Ol’ Gibbers knows it hasn’t been the easiest ride on the Bronco this season, but that’s baseball. Sometimes your team gets sandpapered and it sure don’t feel nice. But let me tell you that this team ain’t about to sit back and sip its own wine. This club is here to give it a good ol’ fashion bare-knuckle fight.
And now that good ol’ Tom Ford, I mean, JD, has taken off that little ninny protective piece from his damn bucket, he’s been the MVP that this Skip knows he is. Y’all talk about the rain, well, it hasn’t been raining in August. It’s been a goddamn torrential downpour. And if this team is gonna push past all these shitty clubs ahead of us, we’re gonna do it with JD swinging away and getting some good ol’ fashion RBIs. Because ol’ Gibbers loves himself some RBIs.
Now, here’s the thing all you lovely Canadian folks, I promise you some damn good baseball in these next couple weeks. And some damn good baseball in September too. Because the truth is, all the teams ahead of us in this wild wild race are complete and utter Texas trash.
This Wild Card fight is gonna be wilder than an acre of snakes. And the only real snake in this damn race are those pinstripes in New York. And ol’ Gibbers looks forward to that showdown come October. If y’all think that your Blue Jays aren’t a better club than the Angels, Royals, Mariners, Twins, Rangers, Orioles, and Rays, well, you better check what’s in the ol’ pipe.
I guarantee you that my ball club is better than all those ninny teams ahead of us right now and things are about to get real wild. This race is as thick as fleas on a farm dog and looks like ten miles of bad road. But the road ahead, well, she’s gonna be as pretty as a pie supper. And ol’ Gibbers loves his pie suppers. And his bacon too. Now, let me tell you something, all these teams can’t win for losing and are going to be a day late and a buck short. You can bet your toonie on that.
Well, that’s it for ol’ Gibbers, so I will leave you with some Texas words of wisdom: Don’t be a sourpuss, be a piece of pie. Otherwise, you might as well call yourself Buck Showalter. And you don't want that.