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Ryan Goins Is Awesome: The Shred 'Em And Burn 'Em Truth

August 14, 2017

 

So Ryan Goins said something that is pretty bat flippin’ rock n’ roll:

 

 

And, ahh, yeah, I kind of have to agree with him here. I wrote about the ‘Sunday Reds’ a few months ago, and my opinion sure hasn’t changed since then. And now that the team has been blown the Sunday out in them a few times, Goins and Blue Bird company are starting to think it's time to toss the Canadian reds too.

 

Now, I’m not sure what some of you see every Sunday ‘Dome’ game, as it could be rose merry joy, crimson Canadian cool, candy apple, or straight up blood, but I definitely see red? And I see red that hurts my goddamn eyes.

 

They are a riot of something, ablaze, bold, festive (I guess), splashy, brash, and slightly chintzy. I guess I will just dive right into some hyperbole and call them tragically not hip, a cheap nickel you don’t want back, a red rodeo that isn’t blue, an April wine that’s cheap in taste, and something that no hoser should rush to buy, because it’s just not the right colour for this Blue Bird band now, is it?

 

And Ryan Goins seems to agree, as he has indeed gone on record with the greatest indubitable quote of the year. And I know that there are many proud Canadians who love the Sunday Reds that so many of us are just-so-sick-of-seeing-every-flippin’-Sunday-Dome-game-all-season-long because it’s just a bit of a bloody overkill.

 

And the truth is they hurt to look at too, especially, if you have had one too many glasses of wine on Saturday night, or a few too many rum and cokes, vodka and red bulls, ciders, barley and hops sandwiches – or whatever the hell your drink of choice may be, because the Sunday hangover needs a nice calming blue, don't you think? A mellow and cool blue that represents these damn Jays.

 

Now, I get the novelty of the Canada 150 thing, eh! I really do. But here’s the thing folks, I was recently hanging out with my good buddies Bob and Doug McKenzie (who are truly Canadian) the other night, sucking back a couple hoser beers and they even thought that every Sunday was a bit much too and that the Reds need to take off. And this is a true story, you can bet your beaver tails on that one.

 

I also rang up my dear friend Ricky from the trailer park to get his toonie cents on the jambuster matter, and he even mumbled something that sounded like, ‘they’re the birds that are blue, not some dumb red bird thing, that’s pretty crystally-clear to me” – he was a couple sheets to the East Coast wind, so it’s hard to say if I properly quoted him here.

 

Anyway, love ‘em or hate ‘em, there most definitely seems to be two sides to this hoser red fence, eh! But every Sunday is a bit much, the good Birds of summer have played some pretty lollygagging baseball in them, and they are the damn Blue Jays, am I right?

 

Anyways, Ryan Goins is pretty awesome for rolling the damn bones with his courage, because it’s been a long time running, as the truth just needed to be said. Goins is a modern day warrior, mean, mean stride, today’s Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride, eh!

 

Now, you can call me lame for quoting this epic Rush song, but it’s not as lame as the Sunday Reds, is it? I dunno, ask Clifford! I bet he says for Canada Day - sure, but any other - ruff.

 

 

 

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