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John Gibbons: A Letter To The Fans!

August 4, 2017

 

Dear Toronto Blue Jays Fans,

 

Hey y’all, it’s me ol’ Gibbers. Now, I know we’ve all howdied but we haven’t shook, so I say let’s chaw the rag here.

 

So a lot of people have been hootin’ and hollerin’ all week about this and that and it’s getting’ ol’ Gibbers as hot as a two-dollar pistol.

 

First of all, I’d like to say that some of you have been as cold as a banker’s heart when it comes to this team here. Y’all got to remember that most of this group here helped rebuild the ol’ Blue jays rodeo in Canada and it’s important to remember that.

 

I’d also like to say that sure one wheel may be down and the axel dragging, but this group of men in the clubhouse don’t think the season is over quite yet. These boys here can ride the rough string and don’t any of you forget that.

 

But one thing that’s been making ol’ Gibbers hotter than a stolen tamale is all this too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash talk about Jose Bautista.

 

Now all y’all talking this kinda nonsense sure are barking up a goddamn tree that has no squirrels, I tell ya. And even the chickens under the porch know that. It’s obvious that if y’all are saying dumbass things about Bautista then you got a big hole in your fence, and one that ol’ Gibbers isn’t about to try and fix.

 

Here’s the thing folks, we still got some time and some ball to play and we haven’t given up our country guitar for a harp, so let’s just play some ball and not that kind of ninny small ball some of you go on about, but some goddamn baseball.

 

I’ve said this before and I will say this again, baseball is as difficult as putting socks on a rooster. And putting socks on a rooster sure isn’t an easy thing to do if you understand what ol’ Gibbers is saying.

 

But one thing my boys don’t like is failure and we’re not about to get caught in our own loop. So don’t be the type of person that carries their brains in their back pocket because if that type of person was bacon, they wouldn’t even sizzle. And bacon sizzles mighty fine and tastes even better, don’t y’all think?

 

I thought it’d be real nice to send a little message to the fans since there has been so much goddamn ninny noise lately. I get that a lot of you are as restless as a mule in a tin barn, but relax and enjoy the ol’ ballgame. She’s a beautiful thing. And don’t forget who you’ve been hootin’ and hollerin’ about for the past two seasons because a lot of those good ol’ boys are taking that field every goddamn night and playing their damn hearts out.

 

Now I don’t know you from Adam’s off ox, but I know y’all love your Blue Jays. And your ol’ skip will step up to the goddamn plate for any of them. So to all you fans out there who are as smart as a hooty owl, keep on hootin’ and don’t ever lose that holler. And for the rest of you remember this, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

 

Sincerely,

 

John Gibbons the greatest manager in Blue Jays history.

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