Rosie DiManno from the Toronto Star is back on the Blue Jays saddle in fine linguistic form, as she types up something about Marcus Stroman’s behaviour (and a little bit about Jose Bautista) with her linguistic flourishes of tie-die prose. So let’s just cut to it, light some incense, and take a walk down Rosie’s lexical baseball ballet of what the hell did she just say? No, really, what did she just say?
Rosie was inspired by the Stroman-Anderson chirping that happened the other night in South Side Chicago. And, yeah, that little backyard display of StroShow fireworks definitely woke me up as I was starting to drift off into sleep that night.
So DiManno starts off her article with a nice little lead question:
You want to talk emotion?
You’re damn right I want to talk emotion Rosie, go on:
Then talk to The Man: Jose Bautista. He embodied drama and iconic exhibitionism — exclamation-mark moments — as a Blue Jay long before Marcus Stroman came struttin’ along.
Listen Rosie, Stroman never came struttin’ along. He shimmy shakes and gum chews his way along. Get it right.
So now what, Rosie? Go on:
Because the touchy, temperamental pitcher acts like he invented the genre.
But does he really? No, seriously though, does he really act like he invented emotion? C’mon, DiManno. Cut the flourishes and get to whatever it is you’re trying to say. And, by the way Rosie, there is nothing wrong with how Marcus Stroman acts, he’s just fine.
Rosie then goes on to the touchy matter of Bautista and his (old) passionate ways. She does so, however, with an elegant temperamental approach, as she compares the two players:
The difference, of course, is that Bautista has shed the whiny dimension; he no longer (not so much anyway) glares and snorts smoke out his nostrils when victimized by a called strike.
Indeed, he no longer glares and snorts smoke out of his nostrils, huh? What the hell are you saying? Corrida de toros? What? Exactly. Moving on …
She then goes on to say this about Stroman's actions and his little Chicago flare up:
Stroman remains defiantly unapologetic about his onion-paper-deep disposition, his K-posing on the bump, his incessant yammering. All good because, you know, he’s an emotional guy.
Onion-paper-deep disposition? How many hoots on the old pipe did it take to think this one up? Geez. And what’s with the rest of the syntax here? It’s a whole lot of hooey and layers of get-to-the-fucking-point and use proper English. So cut the shit, Rosie. And, also, there is nothing wrong with how Marcus Stroman acts on the mound, it is kind of fun and it is fine. Just fine.
Rosie then gets real good with her hippie robotic way with words, as she linguistically pastes this nice little number up when reflecting on what Bautista had said about how he hates to see things like the Stroman-Anderson tiff get blown out of proportion (kind of like the way Rosie DiManno and Steve Buffery from The Sun are doing – just saying):
Bautista points out, quite correctly, that sports would be dull indeed without the visceral, edgy magnetic field. Baseball is most assuredly better for that component.
Visceral? Wasn’t he a WWF wrestler? Or was it Viscera? I dunno. Anyway, edgy magnetic field? What the hell does that even mean? I think Rosie might be pulling a bit too hard on the ol’ peace pipe. It’s the magical mystery tour of a big millennial WTF did Rosie just say, isn’t it?
The rest of the article is really quite good because it’s filled with real English spoken by the great Jose Bautista whose native language is Spanish - go figure, eh!
Anyway, once you comb through the smoke from DiManno’s pipe in this piece, you will be able to find a good interview with Bautista, and who doesn’t love that, right?
But here’s the damn thing, Steve Buffery and Rosie DiManno have taken to typing up some nonsense about Marcus Stroman’s behaviour. And I don’t know about you, but I kind of love watching this young man shimmy shake his way on the ol’ mound.
This new attitude of MLB players is exciting and makes the game far from being dull.
If there is anything that should be typed up about Marcus Stroman, it should be about his nasty slider that dances all over the plate.
So I don’t think there is anything to be said here about Marcus Stroman’s attitude. I like it. Actually, I like it a lot, you?
I know one smart baseball mind who thinks the same thing:
Nope. Not one damn thing.