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The Book Of Birds Tour 2017

July 17, 2017

 

Is it as exciting as the Iron Maiden tour, which nefariously graced the Budweiser Stage this past weekend in Toronto? If the aces are high, probably not, but holy smoke it certainly feels like two minutes to midnight for the 2017 Birds tour – that’s for damn sure.

 

Do we know where this praying for the Blue Birds rainmaker tour is going? We can certainly speculate, as the season has been running free to a place where we have all been patiently praying for it to not go to, am I right?

 

Now, this 2017 tour probably has had you cussing at your flast-screen and smartphone if you’re like me. And if it hasn’t already, it’s probably starting to maim your optimism quickly to the point where it will be slain.

 

This arduous 2017 tour has been a constant feeling, a persistent gnaw, an astute pain, which presses into that single nerve, which is known as patience.

 

Now, the Birds Tour will always be a good ol’ fashion time because it’s summer, we love our team, the game of baseball, and some cold beer. However, Da Birds (said like Bill Swerski) have taken us down one iron damn road this year where they look like goddamn knights some days and a bunch of lollygagging maids without the iron other days.

 

And now the tour heads to Boston and I don’t know about you, but I dislike Boston about as much as Ron Swanson does a banana – or any fruit or vegetable for that matter.

 

The Red Sox are like a big plate of steamed vegetables that stare at you and make you want to throw up, hurl, or spew all over the dinner table.  And you just want to pick up that goddamn plate and give it a good toss because the team sucks and their fans are a bunch of Neil Diamond singing twiddle dink scoats.

 

So hopefully the Birds will try to do something better than walk-off walk losses this week – or dogshit blowouts, but who knows what to expect at this point. Not a goddamn one. Nuff said.

 

It’s been a season for every thumb up, a couple thumbs the cuss down. Now, worst case Ontario, the Birds don’t make baseball meaningful by the time they play into the September part of their tour and that’s fine too.

 

It’s just so unbelievable (or is it?) that the Detroit Tigers with their shitty bullpen that hardly has a meow of a roar out pitched the Birds this past Sunday. It was truly another good ol’ Charlie Horse to the wherever the hell it hurts. Even the greatest goddamn Blue Birds skip in history, John Gibbons, is politely (sort of) going on the record saying that the boys are playing like trash.

 

This team takes this tour to Cleveland after Boston and who knows what tune they will be playing by the end of that. They could be playing the bats swinging and pitchers hurling song - making more noise than Iron goddamn Maiden – or they could sound like a tattooed white guy with an acoustic guitar who cries in despair and wails delicately for help. I dunno.

 

Either way here folks, the trade deadline is fast approaching and the Birds could use some help if this 2017 tour is going to have any meaning by the time the last week of September rolls around.

 

The Birds have holes, they either get fixed – or they don't. That’s it. That’s all. I’d hate to be the one to have to make that call.

 

But at the end of the hard day, we love da Birds da Birds da Birds da Birds da Birds, right?

 

Go Birds.

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