I decided to pull out my magic crystal ball full of bullshit to help me answer these questions, which was given to me by my great aunt, who got it as a gift from Rance Mulliniks’ old Slovenian barber from the 1980s. So it does have some kind of strong moustache virile performance of something that should help me flip it like The Trashmen since we all know the bird is the word.
Now, before I begin to stare into the ball to answer these Bird questions, I want you to remember that we’re all cut from the same cloth, mostly from different ends though, so shall we begin …
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harley_nicolas: Who is the best player to trade before the deadline to get the most from without hurting the team for the rest of the season?
Well, Harley it all depends on who the hell you’re asking, doesn’t it?
If you were asking Jon Morosi, he’d say some kind of a thing that makes you think what the hell did he just say again.
If you were asking Buster Olney, he’d say some kind of a thing that makes you think what the hell did he just say again.
If you were asking Mark ShapIro, he’d say this:
“Trade deadline presents one window of opportunity for us to improve the team, and we are going to want to get better this year, too, that’s for sure."
Now, what the man with the Blue Bird plan has up his baseball sleeve is for him to know and every other person to guess, right?
But since you’re asking me, I’d have to say it really all depends on what the offers sound like coming from the other end of the smartphone, don’t you think?
All I know is that I trust what ShapIro and Atkins have planned for this year, next year, and every other year until the Golden Flags come back to Toronto. So I say just be patient and let the good baseball story saunter its way around the diamond until it comes home and reveals whatever it does come the trade deadline.
Oh_27_: When is the soonest you think the Jays can win the World Series?
Okay, so I’m looking into my crystal ball of bullshit that was once owned by Rance Mulliniks old Slovenian barber and it’s showing me a big millennial shoulder shrug emoji.
I’d like to tell you 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, and every other year too, BUT we all know that’s not realistic. I’m not sure man. Now, do I think that a World Series can be won in the next decade? 100% the bird is the word – I do.
_dominic_10_: Do you think the Jays would have more success trading Donaldson or trading no one?
I’m sorry, Dominic, I’m not sure I fully understand the syntax behind your thought. The smart-ass in me is going to have to say that the Jays would have more success trading Donaldson that’s for cuss sure because who the hell are they going to get for no one!?!
ryananderson.27: Do you think there is a chance for a 2015 style run this year to get the Jays in the playoffs?
Hmm, Ryan, I’m reaching for the crystal ball of bullshit again for this one, and it’s telling me the same thing it told me for ‘Oh_27_’s’ question, which is I have no goddamn baseball clue.
I mean, I can tell you what you want to read, which is, of course, that the Birds are going to go on a run and have every wailing fan out there who has been bitching and moaning like a bunch of old bitties on their beloved Toronto Blue Jays garbage Reddit threads - change their tune and type ... I told you so - even though they told you nothing, so just remember. They. Told. You. Nothing. Just like me, so, yeah, I will leave you with these famous last words from a true Canadian icon, ‘I toe da so, I f***in’ toe da so.’
Even though I told you nothing. Sorry, Ryan. Go Birds.
anthonyhogan7: Why are Jays fans blind to the fact that the season is over?
The MLB season ends in July? That’s a clown question, bro.
jeremygiles88: What steps can be taken at the Minor League level to discern the Arrencibias from Halliday?
Well, here’s the thing, I seriously don’t know who these two players are. Who is Arrencibias? And who is Halliday?
But to answer your discerning question: Steven Sanders (and not the blonde curly hair dude from Beverly Hills 90210) is my edumacated guess.
everything.bean: What Blue Jay would you want to have a beer with? What’s your favourite baseball memory?
The answer to your first question will always be: John Gibbons.
The answer to your second question, which is a tough one and had me making the emoji think face, but here goes it for the sake of a go ...
... I’d have to say it was when I was eleven years old watching the Birds play the Tribe at Municipal Stadium in Cleveland. I remember the same older guy walking up and down the aisles yelling ‘Beer Here!’ … I think it was in that moment that I fell in love with the sights and sounds of baseball, the rest is hoser history.