So This .500 Storyline Isn’t Funny Anymore, Not That It Ever Was

So I’m going to be as straight as a Mormon living in Utah in this piece, most of the 2017 Blue Jays storylines haven’t been funny at all. And I like funny, well, at least when it comes to the good Birds of summer, I like fun winning stories that don’t involve the dreaded two letters … DL!

Now, I woke up on another will the Blue Jays FINALLY reach .500 groundhog day truly believing that Thursday would be the day, you?

I mean the storyline seemed as good as the recipe for the best Canadian Butter Tart, didn’t it? It seemed fitting that the Birds would reach the .500 mountain by stepping their cleats on the back of Banister and his Texas Chokes.

And even though Steve 'I look like a bouncer' Pearce wasn’t in the lineup, I thought that surely with Shimmy Shake Stroman on the dirt hill, Russell Martin starting at third base (as the Birds were 5 – 0 when Martin started at third heading into the game), and the John Gibbons new hoedown lineup, the time had finally come.

BUT then the dreaded news broke, of course, Josh Donaldson would be out nursing a sore are-you-kidding-me knee … DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUN!

And the rest is a Blue Jays struggle to .500 meme on Twitter AGAIN!

So here we are heading into Kansas City with a hope that the Blue Jays take their bats to a royal level of Bird heaven, aren’t we? Because the raw as a ‘steak tartare’ truth is that the good Birds need to sweep the Royals in this 3-game set of PLEASE-PLEASE-PLEASE-GIMME-GIMME-GIMME-WE-NEED-WE-NEED-WE-NEED to make it to .500, so that when they come back ‘dome’, they can then take it to the shitty sourpuss Showalter and his birds of trash.

And at this point, I’m not sure when in the heck of–the-world-that-disapproves-of-a-good-ol’-fashion cuss they will, BUT the Birds WILL!

Maybe it’s best that they do it against Showalter and to the ruckus (not really) crowd at the Centre of the Dome, or whatever you want to call it, am I right?

But the 2017 campaign has not been a great tale so far, has it? A test? Definitely.

And when Devon Travis went down AGAIN to the lighting strike called BAD LUCK, everyone and their hoser brother let out a big millennial emoji sigh across the Canadian smartphone land.

And it’s really, well, to be honest, shitty to see Devon Travis go down AGAIN as it is heartbreaking to watch someone, who has worked so damn hard, have to go through the rehabilitation process again and again and again and again.

HE JUST WANTS TO PLAY THE GAME HE LOVES, so I can’t even imagine what this must feel like for him.

Rosie ‘Debbie Downer’ DiManno had the privilege to get some Devon Travis thoughts, so you should go read what he has to say about where he is at mentally and physically, BUT just read his thoughts because DiManno tries to get in the way of the story with icky language like this:

He just can’t imagine what that might be, the existential reason for a slew of injuries, common and exotic (that freaky additional bone in his shoulder that required stabilizing), forcing long bump-outs from the roster in each of the past three years.

Such a snake-bit young man, his genial and endlessly polite nature sorely tested by fate.


Anyway, moving on …

It doesn’t help the good Birds that he had the hottest bat in the lineup too, does it? Because let me tell you something, if he were still in the lineup, I would bet your house on it that the Birds would be at .500 already, BUT … DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN, he’s not.

Damn this Blue Jays team could easily be 10-games above .500 with a whole lot of other if-it-didn’t-happen factors that we all sigh about, BUT they did. And the truth is the team is still in it, somehow.

Now here’s the thing folks, I guess just sit back and enjoy the ride because things are going to get real interesting soon, as the Birds pave the road in the coming weeks for where this season is heading, and we all have a hope for one thing, don’t we? And don’t lose it quite YET.

Just don't. Seriously. What fun is that?

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