Now usually I like to just inspect the ol’ Internet Blue Jays threads in search of the biggest ‘Dodo Head’ thought of the night. It’s not something I regularly do, but it’s something I often find myself doing, so I guess it’s a regular thing I do, I digress goddam it.
The thing is in the land of the Sky Centre, the Rogers Dome, or the Centre of the Dome (or whatever you want to call it) – there are a lot of ‘dome’ thoughts out there. I expect them to come from fans who sit by their powerful keyboard ready to pound out an explosive negative thought about the good Birds of summer, BUT sometimes these thoughts get finger pressed by people who are ACTUALLY paid to write about the Blue Jays.
Now I know that after the past couple of Marco Estrada outings, fans have chimed in on many Internet threads with the typical, ‘I told ya he sucks now’, ‘he’s finished’, ‘Estrada is brutal’, or, of course, the clever well-thought out ‘sorry folks, time to blow this up, and get some return on an aging team’ kind of wails onto the ol' damn millennial screens.
I expect this kind of trash on the r/TorontoBlueJays Reddit because some of these people legitimately live there for the 'up vote' and to have their voice actually be heard in a community of something – I guess. I really don’t know how anyone could spend so many hours sitting in the Internet armpit of the world, but to each their own.
BUT I don’t expect to read trash thoughts from paid writers who try to delicately paste together thoughts about the good Birds of summer. I was in the middle of my Daily Duce when I stumbled upon an article that apparently was written using ‘purple prose’. And holy-goddamn-I’m-trying-not-to-cuss-as-much-because-sometimes-I-cuss-too-much, BUT what a piece of work Rosie DiManno is over at the Toronto Star.
And I get that, ya know, the Blue Jays 2017 campaign hasn’t been a big plate of pancakes and bacon, but it also hasn’t been a plate of boring fruit and tofu scrambled gross eggs too. The fact of the baseball matter of saber-numbers-of-who-really-gives-a-damn is that the team at the end of the day (beyond all the WAR and WHIP and FIP and OPS), sit only 5-games back from first place and 1-game from a Wild Card spot (as I'm typing this), so there’s that folks!
So I know I’m not ‘Ken Tremendous’, BUT I NEED to understand the buttercup prose of Rosie ‘Wonder’ over at the Toronto Star. So let’s take a look at some of her best recent thoughts from her past two articles.
In a weird respect, this has become a season of magical — or at least mythical – thinking: The fallacy that these 2017 Jays are better than their record indicates.
Because June is turning into April redux and the team, apart from some hopeful spurts last month, has not really managed to shake itself out of the baseball doldrums.
Oh, yes, magical, mythical – the fallacy of the great baseball gods, who rain down nonsensical ideas into the minds of fans who believe that the great Birds that once stood strong could never crumble like pie … No, but seriously (and try reading that sentence with your best Richard Burton voice), but what the hell is she ‘typing’ about?
… Hey ‘Debbie Downer’ I mean ‘Rosie Something’ – stop making your writing about you and just try to work out your own writing doldrums.
Now let’s continue looking at the colourful vocabulary tricks of the great Debbie Downer:
It’s frustrating, though, that the Jays so often have come up small, impotent, against opposition they should be feasting on — if, indeed, they’re the team they profess to be and not the mutant which has gone 0-for-7 when .500 dangles like low-hanging fruit.
And it won’t be long before the executive suite can righteously pull the plug on the blow-up grenade.
What’s frustrating is reading your impotent prose that try to oppress hope and optimism from fans who cheer a team that is actually good Debbie (I mean, Rosie, even though your writing suggests otherwise), so don’t be a dodo head.
And holy cuss (I’m really trying to limit my cussing), but what in the cuss are you typing about here with your, ‘blah blah blah the team they profess to be and not the mutant which blah blah blah’, no, really? Indeed, these thoughts are something – I guess.
The only ‘low-hanging fruit’, which I read, were the words that you picked from your brain after reading some comic books back when you were in high school.
And ‘blow it up’, did you really get paid to type that? Seriously, I expect a little more thought from a Toronto Star writer, I really do – just sayin’.
Now the thing is, if Debbie Downer were writing this in four-weeks and the Jays slumped their way to being ten-games under .500, and all the blah blah blahs in between, then, sure, maybe you can type some bleak shitty output about how ShapIro needs to ‘pull the plug on the blow-up grenade’ to mutant land, BUT the Jays aren’t quite there yet, are they?
In this little ‘Star’ doozy she typed up, she later goes on to comment about John Gibbons (who if you read me, you know how I feel about the good Skip), as she thought up this:
But Gibbons never fingers a Jay. He even lauded Stroman who, while keeping his team in it through seven innings, nevertheless served up three homers on six hits — back-to-back out-of-the-parks in the second frame. A bit rich for Gibbons to say of Stroman: “I thought it was a good outing for him.”
Rosie, it’s a bit rich of you to be so goddamn absorbed in the language you use to write with because I think it might cause you to forget what the hell you’re writing about. Sure, it wasn’t Stroman’s best outing, BUT it was a good outing, he got caught on three bad pitches, it’s the big leagues – shit happens.
Now in her most recent article (where she does her best to be the Emily Dickinson of Blue Jays writers ), she dwells in poor possibilities, as Rosie types up these thoughts about Marco Estrada:
From a 17.20 ERA in first innings — 12 earned runs through 15 starts, including his third opening frame home run of the season surrendered Monday — to literally falling off the mound in a startling follow-through stumble, warning lights are flashing red and ding-ding-dinging for Marco Estrada.
If not the staff ace, then certainly the changeup maestro has been the stuff of starter sinew and ballast for the Blue Jays these last few years.
And, yes, it hasn’t been pretty, BUT Estrada has proved himself worthy of some time to sort out what’s happening to him. It’s fair to say that the Rays have his number, and it’s fair to say that Jays/Rangers games can end up being just a bit sloppy, don’t you think?
And it’s also fair to give Estrada (who most fans referred to as Acestrada not so long ago) some goddamn time to figure it out, and on that note ShapIro should extend him another contract too. So take that piece of humble-me-up-buttercup-pie and chew on that.
When the Birds were up against Texas 5 – 1 the other night, I knew that the game wasn’t even close to over, and, no, I don’t have a third baseball eye, BUT I’ve seen enough of these types of games to know where this one was heading. So I kind of expected the Rangers to push back against Estrada (GIVE THE GUY SOME TIME, STOP HOOTIN', HE'S GOOD) and the good Birds, so, I guess, that’s my ding-ding-dinging maestro sinew ballast thought from the land of deep thought prose.
Now, I’m gonna have to cut this piece short because I could turn this into a goddamn novel, so let’s end it with this itty-bitty thought.
Don’t be a dodo head, the Blue Jays are good, there’s my rub, at least for now, but let’s not write off this team just yet, and, yes, the time to win is here, so enjoy some stressful June Birds baseball, let the fun begin (but not in a downer kind of way).