They're Here! (An AL East Horror Story for the Foes)
It has been a cold, wet Spring in Canada as the lake waters have risen and continue to rise, as piers in the North get swallowed by the heavy rains.
And the Canadian horrors began when the blue bodies went down, as the Birds became prey to the nefarious injuries that brought sorrow, fear, and blue howls from fans as far East as Cape Spear and as far West as Boundary Peak.
But as the sun and moon danced across the baseball sky causing a tribal wail, which soared through the internet and radio air waves like a spear piercing the glowing baseball hearts of thee, the earth spun with the sun and soon the morose and malaise Blue Bird feelings started to fade away into the dark days of April’s yesterday.
Because then the lightning came with thunder, as it pounded the streets with Birds, and the horrific Stephen King tale that came soon saw the winds change …
… And now guess what all you American League East foes:
So now it’s time for me to cut the bullshit eerie mood setting language and shift it with a little raw tone of you-better-be-scared-all-you-trash-fans-in-the-AL-East because the Birds are back, and they are sitting on wires waiting for your shitty teams that hide in their Alfred Hitchcock homes.
The truth is people of the AL East, the 'breakfast of champions' has been served by the baseball sky, which has now cleared in Toronto, and the only blue Monday will be yours.
Because the bats are alive in Toronto. They’re alive. And, yes, ‘they’re heeere’.
That’s right all you damn trash fans from Baltimore - the Blue Jays are here.
And all you ninny ‘Sweet Caroline' singing Boston crabs – the Blue Jays are here.
And all you trailer park sounding scabs in New York, you better believe it too because your facade is up, and guess what? The Blue Jays are heeere.
And Tampa the 'horrors at the Trop' are now yours because the real horror story is on its way, and it comes with the sound of a crack from the bat from the birds of summer and not your Rays.
So here's the thing, you must feel a little perturbed all you trash, ninny, trailer park scab fans in the AL East because the Blue Birds bats are back and they have come from the grave. And they are alive like an 'evil dead', but this time not even an ‘Ash Williams’ chainsaw is going to be able to stop it.
The bats are alive in Toronto and this new AL East horror story should lift the hairs on the back of all your easterly necks, don’t you think, foes? What’s that? No? Hmm … well, wait and see because the shadow knows – just ask Link Wray (and you really should press play, especially if you don't know Mr. Wray):