Don’t be a Knucklehead!

The Blue Jays are winning (like holy hallelujah sit back and enjoy the smash show kind of winning), and you’re sitting in the Dome stands on a Monday night and enjoying this:

And as the 23-hit smash show is happening, your badass buddy whispers in your ear something like this, ‘Hey bro! I totally dare ya to fuckin’ run out on the field man. That’d be sick bro. Sick! I’ll totally Snapchat that shit!’

So the young bro thinks about it and his inner monologue screams, ‘Fuckin, Eh!’ and he looks over at his bro buddy and gives the bro I’m gonna do it nod.

Seconds later:

Now here’s the thing to all you future bros (or broettes) who are thinking about doing something doltish like this, I guess, make sure to make it worth your while for whatever that reason may be to satisfy the worth in you.

You could make it political and run across the field for many different causes with a sign or wearing a shirt that has some kind of Michael Jackson ‘We Are The World’ type of message, which follows you along your streaking route on the old field.

Now if you do this, at the very least, you will then be someone who was trying to support some kind of cause, BUT you still shouldn’t REALLY do this because it’s vacuous, dull-witted, and brainless - that’s why!

And Buck Martinez WILL call you a knucklehead – you goofball knuckleheads!

Now, the only plausible reason for doing something like this (that I can think of) is if it’s something on your good ol’ bucket list. If that’s the case, I guess I kind of get it. I mean if you need to make sure that you check that shit streak off your bucket list (and you don’t really like baseball), well then happy days for you, life’s short, you will deal with the LAW (and you can’t fight the law because the law wins), and it will be one less thing for you to do before you join the dirt.

But a good streaker always premeditates the act because it just shouldn’t be decided in the moment, which was clearly what happened in last night's streak.

The dimwit thing about a streak is that it needs to be loud and scream some kind of 'something' (one memorable 'something'), which will be fossilized into the Google land archives forever (if that’s how you want to be remembered in the internet land of trash).

And last night’s streak just didn’t have that some kind of something ‘it’ factor, did it? So it must've been a in-the-bro-moment-decision, am I right?

Listen streakers of the past and future, it’s up to you, and I truly don’t give a millennial WTF about what the hell you do, but just think about it – REALLY think about it before you do it because it’s a quick (not even fifteen minutes of something) that you’re gonna get, BUT you will always be remembered as another Buck Martinez ‘Knucklehead’ – you knuckleheads.

But at the same time, it’s really great to listen to Buck Martinez say ‘knucklehead’, so there’s that too.

 bat flips are poetic
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