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The Blue Jays Antihero Guide

May 12, 2017

This is the guide for any of you Blue Jays fans who have now come back to your good old Blue Birds since your beloved Raptors and favourite Canadian hockey teams have been eliminated from the playoffs. What I'm writing here is a 'band to the antihero wagon guide' about the 'who's' who are fighting on the field because the evil baseball Gods have been spitting their villainous tobacco of muscle strains, cysts, and pain into the heroic lineup of your Toronto Blue Jays.

 

It was a long cold dark winter in the hoser lands of Canada. The white snow painted the peaceful streets of the greatest country on the planet. The toque wearing, double-double sipping, brewski drinking Canucks cheered their Raptors and Canadian hockey clubs while waiting for the greatest sport on the planet to return to action, and that sport is, of course, baseball.

 

The emotions of the baseball offseason were filled with cussing, sadness, and joy as the FO inked and created a blueprint for 2017 success. The team was built with heroes who could carry the grind into Fall in pursuit of the covenant 'Golden Flags'. 

 

The earth danced around the sun and the days began to get longer and the smell of the grass started to wake up the baseball senses of the fans, as the greatest season returned: 

baseball.

 

But not a baseball 'Jon Morosi' could've predicted the evil that watched and stalked our Birds that were its prey. And before you knew it, the vicious and savage strikes were hurled high and inside, as the Blue Jays heroes began to drop and fall into the dark depths of the evil DL.

 

And here's where the story begins, and that is the story of the antiheroes who have fought against all odds with their bloody baseball bats and worn in gloves. These men have brought excitement, as they fight to keep the season alive. The antiheroes have stepped up to the plate and breathed life into the malaise Birds, and it's time to introduce you to this cast of players.

 

The Antihero Lineup For Your Toronto Blue Jays

 

This team of antiheroes is captained by the one and only superhero on this list of antiheroes:

 

Kevin 'I play through all pain' Pillar

 

Kevin Pillar has been leading this team with his bat, his glove, and his superman energy. And even though some MLB analysts are saying his defence in the field isn't as golden as you might think so far this year, don't worry because he's high flying and making catches and being the golden athlete he is during these hard battles of April and May. He is leading the antiheroes during these dark times, as he runs at the 

enemies bellowing: 'OUR TIME IS NOW!'.

 

Justin 'the sultan of smash' Smoak

 

Justin 'the smash' Smoak is arguably the biggest antihero on this roster of fight. He used to be the king of strikeouts, but now he is the king of killing baseballs. He is staring the dirty rats on the old dirt hill down with his Smoak gaze, as he takes them deep to the grand stands of no man's land. 'The Smash' has a thick skin who has taken a hurl of 'boos' and 'hisses' over the years, but he has turned them into cheers, as he battles to keep life in the 2017 season.

 

Ryan 'GoGo' Goins

 

The 'Go' was almost left off of the fighting roster this season. But the wise Generals, 

ShapIro and Atkins, decided to keep him in the Bird troop, as they released Melvin Upton to nomad land. This decision has turned out to be one of great importance, as the antihero Birds fight for the life of the baseball season. The 'Go' has done everything possible to fight the Beasts of the East. He has come up with clutch hits and swallowed up hard hit balls off the bats of the bad guys. He's a true antihero because he plays with passion, and his baseball metrics don't scream a 'show me the money' kind of contract, but it's players like Goins that are just as vital to a team as the money making home run machines.

 

Darwin 'the gold' Barney

 

Another antihero who has come up big for the Birds of battle, as he has done everything he can to take arms against the sea of trouble. He has been making plays, dancing from position to position, and he has even let the ball have it a few times during this dark battle against the foes who see red in our blue. He's never backed down from the fight, and he has slid his way into the antihero lineup of fight day-in-and-day-out for Chief Gibbers who methodically positions him where he sees best fits against the evil that tries to stick its bat into the 2017 season.

 

The Zeke

 

Don't let that smile fool you because Zeke's ready to light a spark to storm past any team that stands in their way. Another player who has been giving it everything that he has in his baseball repertoire of skills. You couldn't ask for much more than what Zeke has delivered thus far in the season. He has been a key antihero in this lineup that has to face each nefarious foe. The spark that the Zeke brings is an energy that can uplift the underdog troops to overcome the malaise feelings that linger around the beat up bench.

 

Chris 'the unicorn' Coghlan

 

The unicorn has been asked to take battle more than he initially thought when the 'Generals' picked him up for the 2017 Birds season. But he has been willing to sacrifice and fly to touch home. He is the antihero who brought hope and stuck the match that lit the fire to keep believing and fighting. He has been asked by the old Skip to wear many different hats during these April and May battles, and he has done so with the best fight and flight that he has.

 

Ryan 'the inning eater' Tepera

 

The 'inning eater' has been asked to get into the game and be lights out, and he has done everything possible to tame the offensive push by the bad guys during these late night baseball battles. He is one key arm that has come from the outer gates in this pen of weapons that have truly stolen victories from the unforgiving hill of hurling.

 

Joe 'I turn hitters into John Doe' Smith

 

Another weapon from the pen for the old skip, Gibbers. Joe Smith has been able to shut down the evil push back during the late hours of the battle. He has been sidearm crushing the bat holding squids who look to hit meatballs over the fence of victory. Joe Smith has turned these big league hitters into a lineup of John Does. 

 

Danny 'the sweet surprise' Barnes

 

'The Sweet Surprise' is the antihero from the pen of force that holds back the aggressive might from the offensive powers that looks to stick the Birds with another loss. He has been close to perfect and if he keeps throwing magic he may soon become one superhero for the Blue Birds future. He has anchored the Skip's pen during some dire moments of gut check time. Danny Barnes is the last antihero who has been fighting and pitching with everything he has to keep the good old Birds in it, as they battle their way through May against the evil that follows them every where they go.

 

 -THE END-

 

 

 

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