It doesn't matter if you're a Bluenoser, a Bogtrotter, from the Big Smoke, the Peg, or the Hat - you either love or hate the 'Sunday Reds'. But no matter how you feel about them, every Sunday home game you're going to be seeing red, and it isn't the inside of your sweet jam buster I'm talking about now, is it? Ah, Jesus Murphy, that's every fucking Sunday as well as select games in the month of July too, eh - for pete sake! I know it's to celebrate Canada's big old 150th birthday and all, but, maybe, just maybe, Rogers might have cut a nice deal with the old duster government and will be getting a big Canadian tax break for pushing these jerseys in the face of the Blue Jays fan base - I dunno. But holy fuck I think they are absolute hoser trash. I get the Canada Day thing, but the every fucking Sunday thing? They look like one big Canadian piece of holy manure on the most holy day of the week that is full of hangovers, morning mickeys, brunch dates, and Gregg Zaun's yankee-doodle-dinosaur-macaroni Sunday roast thoughts, right? Do you love the 'Sunday Reds'? Yes? No? Oh ... Me? Well, I sure as hell don't. No.
This picture of (my uncles) Bob and Doug pretty much emulate my facial expression when I first saw Aaron Sanchez fronting the jelly doughnut mess in the Rogers launch of the 'Reds'.
There has most definitely been a whole lot of lame in old Blue Jays attire land, and I think that the Sunday 'Reds' can be tossed right over the old ugly home plate because GEEZ they are nasty in every hoser way. Now thank fuck for the monkey-latte-sipping-Rogers-executive that decided to change the Blue Jays uniform back to the jersey and cap that we all loved and know back in 2012. Because the horse shit play over the ugly mid-90s and 2K's was as disastrous as the attendance records during those years, don't you think? Yes? Okay, good.
You have to wonder about the business suit plebes over the years, who have made decisions about the Blue Jays uniform, because some of these groups of scivey corporate cronies who (I'm sure for the most part are a bunch of fucking douche bag doohickies) have little couture or class, and they sure have made some eye sore decisions that fans have had to live with - that's for sure.
And if you love the new Sunday hoser 'Reds', that's fine. I just don't. Nope. Not at all. I get that the Blue Jays are Canada's team, and fuckin' eh to that with three chocolate glazed timbits stuffed in my mouth while I hold my double-double, but this is total every fucking Sunday Canadian hoser overkill, no? Cuss me if you will, that's totally Canadian cool, but man these jerseys stink like a good old fashion 'duck fart' (Money Pitt? Tom Hanks? Shelley Long? 1986? Oh. That's right, I'm getting fucking old). Anyway moving on ...
So let's take a look at some of the beautiful ugly fuck-with-a-good-thing types of decisions that have been made by corporate confidants when messing around with the beloved blue in our Jays.
So back in 1997 a group of Interbrew and Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce (the owners at that time) clowns got together and took some shrooms and the psilocybin in them thought up this doozy. They were like holy fuck the attendance sucks, what the fuck are we going to do? And then BAM, the shrooms kicked in and they thought - hey, let's make the fucking Canadian flag bigger and try to play up the Canadian angle because the MLB strike has put a fork right into the heart of our butter tart. And so that's the story about how this thing was created.
It was the year 2000 and it was time to show the rest of the MLB the ruckus that lays deep within our blue bird. So CHOO CHOO went the thought train, and the old bird was given big biceps and a Canadian flag bro tattoo too. Thank God this 'bad boy bird with arms' was short lived, because it's a big millennial WTF like OMG, what's with the 'T'?
Now the times were changing fast when the latte sipping douche bags from Rogers worked out there plan on this one, as the metrosexuals were fighting for relevance and what was left of their late nineties. The Rogers monkey suits (entirely made up of metrosexuals) who were clean and sober went at this board room logo meeting with some Ashley Simpson gently playing in the back room, when suddenly (with a big giant Usher 'Yeah!') someone said let's move away from the fucking 'T' and put a goddamn 'J' on it. The rest is history.
A Glance At The Shitty Jerseys Of The Past
Oh the vest jerseys - the big bad vest jerseys. They sure did suck. Delgado deserved better than that. Damn.
When all of this ugly tampering was going down in Blue Jay land, I could never wrap my head around why the fuck 'they' would change the jerseys and fuck with the logo - it just never made sense to me. It's not like the fucking goddamn Yankees and Red Sox ever fuck with their shit, right?
John Gibbons inner monologue, 'Is it 2015 yet? Nope, not yet.'
Well, I guess, in conclusion the 'Sunday Reds' could be a whole lot worse than they are:
At least they are not VESTS - transition thought - why the fuck was this ever a thing?
Side note: This should be a learning lesson for all of us to never fuck with a good thing.
That a boy, Gibby. That a boy. Looking good in the 'good thing' that should've never been changed. Here's a big giant hoser thumbs up to the person who thought to bring back our beloved BLUE Jays uniforms and logo, but seriously the 'Reds' every Sunday home game - take off, you hoser.