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90's Top Ten One Hit Wonder Playlist (For Blue Jays Fans During Hard Times)

April 15, 2017

 

Well, it's been a real tough go Birds fans, hasn't it? It has been an arduous April so far, which has left us all feeling just a bit perturbed as we ride through this (not like a wave), holy fuck - is this really happening slump. And, yes, yes it is.  

 

All of Blue Birds Nation waited patiently (or frustratingly) through the winter months for our Jays and baseball to come back, and then Christmas-Blue-Jays-Baseball-Is-Back Day came, and she's been a sour offering served in the form of a spitball to the face.

 

I know it's STILL early, but Dave Cameron over at FanGraphs wrote an article breaking down the numbers of the Blue Jays since this poor early start, and details how FanGraphs forecasts put the Jays finishing at 81 -81, which then leaves the question of what will the FO do come mid-summer if the team is, well, umm, geez, meh??? In the article he breaks down the aging Blue Jays roster and who could be flipped by trade deadline, but for what? Because if the Jays are at ... ya know what? Fuck it, it's a bleak outlook - go read his article here , and agree, disagree, or get angry with his thoughts.

 

Now, when times are hard in life, the one thing that is always here to comfort us besides family and friends is, of course, music. So I figure, since I'm a funny guy (sort of) and I'm here to fuckin' amuse you, why not make you a bubble gum 1990's playlist to help you get through these 'blue' Bird days. 

 

I need to make note (to you, the reader) that a number of surveys were conducted in order to create a legitimate list - so although this is a subjective topic, I hired a team of 90s One Hit Wonder specialists and pollsters to analyze and collect as much data as possible, so here we go:

 

10. Ben Folds Five: Brick

 

Ben fucking Fold Five's Brick left a giant fucking dent in the 1990's wave of music and this is his one morose tune that Jays fans can relate to right now because the season so far has felt like a fucking brick that is drowning slowly, right? A big Blue Bird brick that is slowly drowning into the depths of can the Blue Jays fucking win a goddamn game, and can this team hit like they can, and can they just get nsync (ha. see what I did there? 90s boy band, nah, fuck it. Moving on ...) Anyway, this was one tune by the 90s piano man which was pretty dark in concept, but most of his fingers-pressing-down-on-piano-keys-songs were upbeat and, well, kind of fun - damn. I just typed that.

 

9. Ace Of Base: The Sign

 

Ace Of Base's the fucking Sign is something we're hoping this team will see or get - some kind of sign to help them play like they can. Because their bats have to see the sign and actually wake the fuck up, so they can touch their Blue Bird cleats on home plate. This early 90s pop band wrote some lyrics, which sure do relate to these April Jays:

 

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?

 

That's right Birds - no one is going to drag you up from the bottom of the AL East, where you don't fucking belong. So where do you belong? Huh, where? Because we know you're the big fucking winners, so lets string some wins together because the Blue Jays don't belong in the cellar of the AL East. 

 

8. OMC: How Bizarre

 

This was an easy pick for this 90's bubble gum list of 'Big League Chew' because how fucking bizarre is this start to the Blue Jays season? The song is painful, it hurts the ears, and might make you spew a little bit in your mouth - just like the start to the Blue Jays season. I dare you to press play and listen to this fucking song and if you do, I want you to think of what's worse - the Jays in April? or this fucking song?

 

7. Len: Steal My Sunshine

 

Well, this fucking doozy sure made the list because Opening Day is like Christmas Day and right now Blue Jays fans have been served a lump of coal. No sunshine, nope, none, gone. No one could've predicted this start, so how about a - Go Birds Go! WIN! Pleassse.

 

6. Spacehog: In The Meantime

 

Remember this  Spacehog hit - Jesus, I sure do.  And, well, in the meantime Jays fans let's still keep a hope close to the Blue Bird heart because it's STILL early, but holy shit this team has dug themselves into one big fucking American League East hole. 

 

5. Natalie Imbruglia: Torn

 

Aren't we torn right now? I mean it's hard to wrap the ol' Blue Bird head around the start to this season. The team is just not jump, jive or wailing (see what I did there, no? Hmm, Brian Setzer 90's - Stray Cats? 80s? No, okay, moving on ...), and it would be nice for them to turn into a team that, well, looks like they have chemistry. Is the chemistry off with these Birds? Are they torn? We're torn because this start just doesn't make sense. The best remedy for their clubhouse is to fucking win, so Go Birds Go!

 

4. Chumbawamba: Tubthumping

 

Oh fuck this song sucks, and it sucks just as bad as the start to the Blue Birds season. And, yes, I'm going to go there, but:

 

I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down
I get knocked down, but I get up again
You are never gonna keep me down

 

So go Birds, you can do it because you're too fucking good to keep losing. Otherwise we will all be drinking a Whiskey drink, drinking a Vodka drink, drinking a Lager drink, and drinking a Cider drink as we drown the Blue Bird sorrows.

 

3. New Radicals: You Get What You Give

 

It's the underdog anthem, and the Blue Jays are officially underdogs, so if you need your spirit lifted, click on this tune - there's no shame if you bop your head to it either, it's a 90s doozy.

 

2. The Rembrandts: I'll Be There For You

 

And yes, of course, because no matter what Toronto Blue Jays, your Birds Nation will always be there for you too:

 

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

 

1. The Verve: Bitter Sweet Symphony

 

And the number one 'One Hit Wonder' goes to The Verve because it has been a bitter sweet symphony, hasn't it? The excitement for the Blue Jays season starting (the sweet), and then the April losing (the bitter). Fuck. Go Birds Go. Let's make this season sweet and bat the shit out of the bitter. Pleassse.

 

Here's to no more meatballs being tossed down the middle of the plate by Blue Birds pitchers, here's to the boys bats waking up, and here's to hitting with RISP - here's to you Blue Jays, you can fucking do it, so just do it. 

 

And that's your playlist of 90s 'Big League Chew' that should help you get through these blue days in Bird land.

 

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