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Josh Donaldson: The Rise To Canadian Cool, Eh!

April 11, 2017

 

The Chicago Cubs acquired Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin from the Oakland Athletics while sending a handful of (hmm, who? Oh, sure, maybe) prospects to the A's - except for one. He was the hmm, maybe, really fucking 'maybe we have something' Billy Beane kind of prospect, and that young man was catcher Josh Donaldson. Drafted in the 1st round in 2007, Donaldson had a phenomenal showing at the Cubs low Single-A affiliate Boise, where he led the Northwest League in OBP - and Billy Beane was all in on that OBP as we learnt sitting in the theatres watching MoneyBall. In the first round of the 2007 MLB Draft, the Cubs (who sure know how to draft, don't you think?) picked themselves a catching prospect Josh Donaldson with the 48th pick and he experienced early success in the Cubs Low A system. But then the Cubs flipped him in 2008 for Rich Harden who, well, didn't meet the expectations for the Cubs and, ahh, pitched like shit in his post season game, so it didn't work out for the Cubs in this deal, but, fuck it Cubs fans because you're the big winners anyway, aren't you?

 

So Donaldson became a part of the Beane Tribe of Oakland where he was, of course, moved from catcher to third base and then 'brought it like rain' through three GQ JD badass seasons from 2012-2014. After his first All-Star season in 2014, Billy Beane the 'flip and move' machine, sent his All-Star third baseman to the Blue Birds. And thank fuck for that, eh! The overly praised AA made some fucking terrible trades as GM for the Birds, but goddamn he made one hell of one too. And it was AA's trade, which sent infielder Brett 'the bro' Lawrie, righty Kendall Graveman, shortstop Franklin Barreto, and lefty Sean Nolin to Oakland for the Bringer of fucking Rain (which, in my opinion, is one of the best trades in Blue Jays history - just saying).

 

And this was the greatest thing to happen to Josh Donaldson as well, don't you think? Well, staying a Cub might've been - just saying Jays fans because, well, ah, yeah, the whole World Series champs thing - anyway, moving on. Go Birds Go. But it really was the best thing for JD to get the fuck out of Oakland and that small market and come to (as fas as I'm concerned) the biggest market in the MLB (because, umm, it's one team for an entire hoser nation, isn't it?) and this is where he truly morphed into the 'GQ Bringer of Rain Cool' that Canada has fallen in love with. For Josh Donaldson, it's kind of like changing schools and moving from a shitty small one to a big massive one where everyone ends up thinking you're the fucking coolest, because it sure didn't take too long for JD to end up being known by even the 'so-so-kind-of' Blue Jays bandwagon fan out there, and now he's a fucking Canadian celebrity. And don't misread me here, if Donaldson didn't play like he did and still does (which is just fucking awesome) this celebrity Canadian cool that he has 'vikinged' his way into never would have happened anyway, so he earned it with his glove, grit, and bat, and has been an A-list Canadian star ever since.

 

Let's look at the rise of Josh Donaldson to Canadian cool, eh!

 

JD really started to catch the eye of Canadian folks when he was, ah, you know, sacrificing his body for a Marco Estrada no-no in the Trop:

 

 

And then, of course, this kind of grit caught the eye of an ol' Canadian hockey guy:

 

 

Don fucking Cherry, yeah, sorry SportsNet, not Gregg Zaun, but 'we' know the angle your producers are playing with the loud, opinionated, ol' school Gregg Zaun bit, and don't pretend this act wasn't premeditated:

 

 

Okay, SportsNet producers - I take it back, you're not trying to hide it, are you? Okay time to get back to the cool that is Josh Donaldson.

 

So JD went from being a great All-Star Third Baseman in Billy Beane's small market in Oakland to being the same fucking awesome ballplayer, but in the biggest market in the Rogers land of Canada. And it was here that his star rose to where it has from golfing with his doppelganger Justin Timberlake, playing a Viking on a kickass TV show, and modeling his looks for Roots. But it took a lot of hard work for Donaldson to get to where he has, hasn't it?

 

 

And he made the transition from catcher to third, and, well, it sure has worked out for him.

 

 

And with his cool play in the field, he slowly started to turn into the superhero 'bringer of rain' he's become, which has all the girls swoon for him, and all the guys think he's fucking cool:

 

 

And since becoming the cool guy in Toronto, and, well, all of Canada in the baseball land of Rogers, JD has truly become one of the best Third basemen in Blue Birds history, and someone the whole nation gets excited to watch at the plate. He is fun on-and-off the field to watch, and is a major contributor to the new attitude of the Toronto Blue Jays, which is great for the MLB, don't you think Gregg Zaun? No, oh yeah, that's right - you're old school, but that's okay. Moving on ... 

 

He's the only guy who I never made fun of for having a man bun:

 

 

 And he's the only guy I've never made fun of for getting highlights too:

 

 

So, yeah, he's kind of Canadian cool, and someone that Blue Jays Nation fucking loves. And let's hope that his calf is something that doesn't fuck with him all season too - not that it will (hopefully). I'm not too worried though because he's one badass baseball guy, who has even shown his Jedi powers using the Lucas 'force', in this great GQ Roots Canada Josh pic, so what's a little calf injury to JD anyway:

 

 

JD kept that ball floating there for ten seconds, and I know, because I have an in with this Roots photographer, and he told me it was the craziest magic kind of shit that he's ever seen. So let's take the time and thank the great AA for making one of the most wicked awesome trades in Blue Jays history because JD you have risen to the cool that Canada is, and we love it, eh!

 

 

Here's to you 2017 GQ JD, can't wait to count the RBIs with you.

 

 

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