Drunk John Gibbons: The Trop Afterthought and Home Opener, Huh?
Side note: I have some serious top secret agents at Jays Droppings who know the who, who knows: the man. And the man was able to get his hands on a recorded first person drunk narrative of John Gibbons on Monday morning at the Rogers Centre.
Rogers Centre, Toronto
Monday, April 10 - roughly around 9:45 AM (Manager's office)
And here's a first person narrative of John Gibbons:
Where’s my wine? The boys don’t need to know. Fuck it Gibbers, go for the ol’ Turkey. … Where is she? Where are ya ol' Gibbers? ... This place looks familiar ... Is this still the Trop? Nah, Gibbers think ... This ain't the Trop ... Hmm, where's the ol’ Turkey? Where are ya? Somewhere in here ... God damn this place looks familiar Gibbers. Oh! There she is ... The good ol Turkey, yup. Where I always keep ya. Wait! Gibbers think ... This ol' stable sure looks familiar to this ol' buck. Goddamn Gibbers, we're back in the ol' stable ... The good ol SkyDome Centre or whatcha ma fuck ... Rogers Centre. Yup, Gibbers, 'home sweet home.' Who we playin' Tuesday anyway? Think Gibbers ... alright ... Started out in the ninny Showalter's ol' yard, headed to the damn Trop and the horrors we can't escape down there. Goddamn Trop Gibbers that Goddamn Trop. Good ol' road trip wasn't so good Gibbers ... Listened to some John Denver, got the split in the Trop. Wait Gibbers ... Wait. Where's the ol' Turkey, yup, there she is. Ol' split in the Trop? Damn. We lost that series too, didn't we? Okay, let's think, we won that game on Thursday ... Good ol' Barney swingin' the bat like Miguel Cabrera. Ha, that's a good one Gibbers. Miguel Cabrera. Well, who's on first for my Birds? Sure ain't Miguel, ain't got no Edwin too. Got us somethin' smokin' over there, and it ain't gonna be hits ... When am I gonna have to have 'the chat' with Smoakey? He's a good southern kid. So we're still not hittin', we're still not scorin' runs ... Goddamn Gibbers ... Where's the ol' Turkey? Yup, there she is. Well, ya can't score runs if ya don't hit Gibbers. I tell em' once, I tell em' twice. Ya hit the ball. Ya throw the ball. Ya catch the ball - or ya throw it and ... Ah fuck it Gibbers ... Pillar's not striking out, but not swingin' at anything really, ha, but not striking out, so that's somethin' Gibbers. Bautista lookin' slow up at the plate ... Hittin' under .100 ... Ah. Gibber's ... Liriano, ha, never seen an ERA so high, gonna put that ol' number in his family Christmas card. Ha. Merry Christmas Liriano - remember that ERA. Yup, tough road trip. What are we 2 - 4? Nah, doesn't seem right. Did we win on Friday night? Think Gibbers, where's the Turkey? Yup, there she is. Nah Gibbers we lost that dog fight, didn't we ol' pal? ... Gave a good ol' Texas try, ah, yup. And Saturday night, ah, oh, fuck, that's right Gibbers ... Casey walked in the winner that night. Poor kid, wait Gibbers, he's not even a kid, he's almost 30 ... Almost forgot that game too, maybe sippin' too much of the ol' wine in extras, ha, funny how the ninny broadcast crew thinks I'm sippin' Gatorade ... Gibbers don't sip Gatorade. Gibbers sips the wine and drinks the Turkey, cuz' Gibbers is the wild one. Ha. Oh! The good ol' 86 Mets, wonder how Dwight's doin'? That was a fun bunch of guys, these guys today are a bunch of ninnies, JD and that earring, but God luv em' ol' Gibbers. Gotta wonder Gibbers, do these Birds got it in em'? Well, we're finally home, we're outta of the ol' Trop, and we got who on Tuesday? Think Gibbers. Ah. Milwaukee. Remember Wayne's World Gibbers - Alice Cooper. Ha Gibbers, sure do. Mil-a-wau-kee. Damn good movie Gibbers. Damn good. Alright … alright … alright ... Gibbers, so what was alright at the ol’ Trop? Good ol’ Morales slam, yup, nice to see, Stroman good outing, Grilli still gettin' real excited, yup, but the ol’ bullpen is a little worn and torn, ain’t she? Need to get Osuna in the ol' mix, young foal he is. Damn umps gotta do their fuckin' job callin’ these balls and strikes, and just know ya ain’t right if you're arguing with Tulo Mr. bearded guy from Tampa. Ha, yup. What's his name - Souza? Fuck it. Next time we play these damn Rays, we’re gonna have to learn to hit away from Kiermaier – gonna have to work that into the ol’ BP. Yup, where’s the ol’ Turkey? With the good comes the bad and then the ol’ ugly. Donaldson’s calf ain’t so hot now is she, and the bats are still shit Gibbers. But we’re back in the ol’ stable where the people cause a ruckus and they ain't sayin', huh, but eh! Ha. Bunch of hosers. So gonna sit back in the ol’ home dugout, spit seeds, sip wine, and tell the ol’ boys to go hit us a home opener win, yup. Now, where’s the Turkey? It's almost time to play ball. Where am I again? Think Gibbers. Yup. Home.