The Toronto Blue Jays Starting Rotation Are A Bunch Of Goodfellas
So you're saying you think think the Blue Jays starting pitching will regress in 2017?
'Just Watch Us Goodfellas'
The Toronto Sun’s Rob Longley wrote an article on Sunday, April 2nd, and in big black bold letters above all of his awesome baseball words (usually referred to as a title) ‘you’ read: Jay’s Sanchez: Just Watch Us.
And just watch us is exactly what fans are excited to do. The article begins with a question addressing the thoughts of the naysayers who believe the tide will pull back from last years Blue Jays starting rotation wave of success:
What about those who feel the fleet of throwing aces in the Jays rotation are sure to regress in 2017?
“Just watch us,” Sanchez said, with neither a flinch nor a pause. “We know what we are capable of as a rotation.”
He answered that question like one ‘bad hombre’ who isn’t to be fucked with. And I know what this Blue Birds gangster pitching rotation is capable of too.
So I started to think, hmm, what badass film has some badass characters that I could compare to the Toronto Blue Jays starting rotation, and, well, my thoughts kept gibbering ‘Goodfellas … Goodfellas … Goodfellas.’ And why not? I know I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? (Sorry, I just had too. Anyway ...)
The Blue Jays starting rotation are a ‘just watch us’ and ‘we know what we are capable of’ kind of 5, who laugh at that regressive thought:
They are a bunch of hurlers that should put fear into every American League team who has to face the arsenal of weapons that this Toronto dirt hill mafia has to offer.
So let's have some JaysDroppings fun, and imagine who would be who in Martin Scorsese’s classic tale:
1. Marco Estrada is Frankie Carbone
Don't fuck with Marco Estrada because he will continue to play his mind tricks with hitters and confuse the shit out of lineups every time he is on the mound. His four-seam fastball, curveball, cutter, and his best pitch the changeup will keep the American League guessing when he fires on all cylinders in his skilled, precise way.
Marco Estrada is one goodfella that no one should second guess, and, oh yeah, he said his back is feeling much better today compared to last year at this time - so there's that too.
2. J Hipp I mean Happ is James Conway
James Conway could never really truly be accepted by the paesans because he was half Irish, and a lot of MLB people don't really accept J Hipp (I mean Happ) as the great left-handed hurler that he has become because of his years of mediocracy. So Happ will never join the ranks of the elite MLB pitching class even after implementing a new approach on the ol' dirt hill which has brought forth a heap of Happ success. He has had years of 'meh', which keeps the naysayers saying nay things, but dont' fuck with Happ.
J Hip (I mean Happ) is one bad dude who throws five types of wise guy punches (I mean pitches). He has a four-seam and two-seam fastball, a slider/cutter, a curveball, and a changeup, so, yeah, good luck American League foes because this Illinois gangster is ready to punch out everyone at the plate in 2017.
3. Marcus Stroman is Tommy DeVito
Tommy DeVito is the obvious choice for Marcus Stroman because he's unpredictable, full of energy, and can kick some serious ass. Size wasn't an issue for Tommy and it isn't an issue for Marcus. These two are peas in a pod full of strikeouts and bat swinging.
Marcus 'the stroshow' Devito has a diverse repertoire of weapons that he uses to fire at all the rats in the American League. Stroman has said in past interviews that he sees pitching as an art form where he can play around with different (death) grips to take out every hitter that he faces. He like Tommy DeVito has no limits and will do whatever it takes to whack all the plebes.
I have one message for any Marcus Stroman naysayer, 'now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.' And if you don't know the quote, go watch Goodfellas - just sayin'.
4. Francisco Liriano is Paul Cicero
Liriano is the right man in this role. He has years of experience on the ol' dirt hill, and can offer a ton of advice through a subtle whisper on the bench to his familia. He has a soft demeanour, but you know not to fuck with him. He's a big strong Dominican man that can go high and inside if someone gets a little too close to the plate.
Liriano, I believe, is the dark horse in this rotation who will offer the horses head to anyone who stands at the plate. He will serve it with a nasty slider and a two-seam, and four-seam fastball.
5. Aaron Sanchez is Henry Hill
Umm, yeah, don't fuck with Sanchez. He's one badass mother fucker who is ready to go out and pistol whip anyone who crosses his young path. He has fire in his eyes that burn like Ray Liotta's do throughout this Scorsese masterpiece. He's a man that has even more to prove in 2017 after his incredible season last year, and if you don't think he's dreamt of winning a Cy Young, well, then you're just not thinking. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, this year he does.
Sanchez is all fire and loves to toss his 96 mph sinker, 96 mph four-seam fastball, curveball, and changeup. His sinker is the one that blazes through the air and generates a lot of ground balls, which keeps the great Blue Bird infield busy getting all the American League rats out. Aaron Sanchez is an awesome kid whose story will not end up like Henry Hill, but he sure has the fire and passion to take him to the top of the MLB empire.
So if you have doubts about this rotation and utter the word regression, I think you're funny. And you may think: funny how? Funny, like, I’m a clown? I amuse you? And, yes, yes - you do.