The Morning Cowboy: John Gibbons (A Drunk Narrative)

March 23, 2017

 

 

If you don’t change direction, you end up where you are headed.’ – John Gibbons

 

The perfect cowboy slur from a man who knows how to adjust the sails (not that cowboys sail, do they?).

 

John Gibbons is a man that speaks his own language, and makes us all smile with his new Gibby ‘isms’. Sometimes he says things that make you go ‘hmm’, and sometimes he says things that make you go ‘huh?’. Either way, he has become the cowboy that Canada has truly embraced. But let’s remember that it wasn’t an overnight romance between Jays fans and the 'morning cowboy'. For many years, Blue Bird fans abhorred the man with constant rumblings like:

 

  • why didn’t he do this?

  • he’s lazy

  • he sucks

  • thank God, we fired him

  • he didn’t do anything

  • I love Cito

  • why did AA hire him back?

  • what a mistake

  • bad move

  • why didn’t he have him bunt? 

  • he just sits there and doesn’t do anything

  • Kansas City out managed us

  • blah, blah, blah, blah

 

These were the morning coffee 'rumbling' conversations with coworkers in Blue Jays nation.

 

Yes, it has taken some time, some hard time to the tune of close to fifteen years for the Canadian baseball chatter to change its thought direction on John Gibbons. But now the bird chirps around our nation about the man are more like this:

 

  • Gibby is the best … Gibby is the best … Gibby is the best

 

Now, I could write an article about why John ‘Wayne’ Gibbons is the perfect skip for the Blue Birds right now, but every other Blogger and Print writer has already offered the Jays world a number of great thoughts that answer that question.

 

If you are curious to know what I think, of course, he’s the man for the job right now. This is his ship, and it’s not sinking, yet – is it, Shea Hillenbrand? Do I think the option gets picked up on his contract? Umm, not sure, that depends a lot on what’s going down in SkyDome land. Do I think he will be the skip for the future youth movement that is going to eventually happen? No, I don’t.

 

Anyway, here’s the thing, I have some serious top secret agents at Jays Droppings who know the who, who knows: the man. And the man was able to get his hands on a recorded first person drunk narrative of John Gibbons after he found out about his contract extension.

 

 

 

And here's a first person account of John gibbons:

 

Wednesday, March 22 - roughly around 11:30 AM (in Gibby's office)

 

Where's the wine? I'm drinkin' already, hah - the boys won't know. What am I drinkin' again? Drinkin' my wine, ha, nah fuck it, why drink my wine? Season hasn't even started yet ... Where's my Turkey? Where is she? Ah ... Ah ... Oh, yup. There she is, perfect. I feel like gettin' a little wild today, good ol' pal Turkey. Ha. Yup. Remember the 86 Mets? How many at bats did I have that season? 12? Ah ... Nope. Fuck. I dunno. Craziest team in MLB history, that's for sure. And who was on it? You were Gibby. Ha. Yup. That was an old rodeo. Sure was. Seven month bender that year. Booze, the little greenies - why did I bother with those? I wasn't even playing the next day anyway. Fuck Gibbers, ya ol' crazy dog ... Remember ol' Dwight Gooden missing the parade. Fuck, missed the damn parade. Damn. I wonder how Dwight's doin' anyway? And my boys think THEY can tell stories! I played on the God damn 86 Mets. JD ... always talkin' ... thinks he's Mr. Cool - he don't know cool. He don't know about wrecking planes, fighting cops, and drinkin' the ol' booze like a man. Oh I'm JD ... 'Oh skip, skip I golfed with Justin Timberlake?' Who the fuck is this Timberdick anyway - I says to him? Hah. Ball players today - a bunch of ninnies. An MLB full of ninnies. Oh well, fuck it. Why am I drinking again? Come on Gibbers, think ... Oh yeah, I got a contract extension. 2-years, not bad. Option too, but that's a load of Texas hide. Am I even the right guy for the job? Where's my Turkey? Ah. There she is. Yeah, of course, those are my boys. We gonna stick it out till it sinks - maybe by August? Haha. No.  But who knows? What do they say in Texas again? Oh yeah, it ain't everyday a kernel pops? God that's a good one, can't believe no one knows what that means ... But I ain't no deer - so I'll take the two years. Lord knows those monkey suit Cleveland boys don't want me around when the team gets young again ... Ah, but another two years. Sure, I'll take it. Have I told my wife? Sure I have? Ha. Where's the Turkey? Oh. There she is. Gibby feeling wild ... Haha. Oh, the 86 Mets ... Who's that? Do I see something? Nah ... nah ... Can't be? Is that Shea Hillenbrand? That's Hillenbrand? What's he doin' here? Ninny didn't want to punch me in the face. Rips the Canadian flag off his hat - I ain't Canadian, but she sure is a good ol' second home for this cowboy. Oh, wait ... That ain't Hillenbrand, the ol' Turkey gettin' to the skip's head. Ha. Ninny didn't want to play for this old skip. Ha. What's that guys name ... Ah, yup, Ricciardi ... What'd he say again? Think Gibbers. Ah, yup, at least he got somethin' right - if ya can't play for me, ya can't play for any manager. Is that WHAT he said? Hmmm. I think so ... Well it sure as shit wasn't that ninny Lilly. Fuck it, I'm the right man for the job - two years. Yup, sure.  Is that JD? Yeah, that's him, there's the ninny ... Hey JD! Who we playin' again today? Huh? Ah, yeah. That's it. Detroit. 

 

-The end-

 

 

(Inspired by Cynical J)

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