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Caption This John Gibbons

March 10, 2017

 

Since this Spring Training 2017 campaign's latest trend in Blue Bird land is 'Can you caption this?', and I think that it is extremely important to write up some baseball trash in 'Buzz Blue Jays Feed' fashion - I decided to jump on the old 'gravy train'.

 

I've taken some time this past week to hire some of Canada's top Matt Damon and Ben Affleck Good Will Hunting kind of Kevin Smith ghost writers (because we all know that Kevin Smith wrote Good Will Hunting) to caption Gibbers couture. 

 

After spending countless hours reviewing submissions from great Canadian writers captioning the Skip, I decided to hire a team of Jays Droppings critics to select the best and most jocose captions.

 

Here we go:

 

Talking Size

 

 

ShapIro - 'I'm tellin' ya Gibby, it was that big.'

The Skip - 'So you're saying - you caught a fish that big, huh?'

 

Pause

 

ShapIro - 'Yup.'

The Skip - 'Hmmm.

 

(The Skip's inner monologue)

Well, that better not be the size of my contract extension...'

 

Awkward silence.

 

Insert audience laughter.

 

End scene.

 

Stories About My Wife, Sanchy

 

 (The ghost writers were influenced by the famous scene in Good Will Hunting for this one)

 

The Skip - 'Did I ever tell ya about my wife Sanchy?'

Sanchez - 'No Skip, what about her?'

The Skip - 'She always farts when she sleeps. One time when she was sleeping Sanchy, she farted so loud she woke herself up.'

 

Sanchez laughs.

 

The Skip - 'She farts when she's nervous too, Sanchy. I'm tellin ya, I feel sorry for the dog when we're in the ALCS...'

 

One second later ...

 

 

End scene.

 

Stop it, Grilli! 

 

 

Grilli - 'Come on, Skip! ... Skip!' Grilli pulls the Skip's shirt.

 

The Skip - 'Cut it out, Grill!' Grilli goes in for the tickle.

 

The Skip - 'Stop it, Grilli!'

Grilli - 'Haha - Skip!'

 

The skip pulls away and leaves upset at being tickled by someone who he thought he could trust.

 

The Skip stops after a few steps, turns around, and looks at Grilli.

 

The Skip - 'I just don't like being tickled, I really don't.'

 

The Skip walks away.

 

(Insert a manipulative movie score that pulls out feelings of sadness and disappointment)

 

End scene.

 

Stroman's Trick Question

 

 

The Skip's Inner Monologue

 

So the kid thinks he's pretty smart, huh. Stroman. Fuckin kid. There's 4 apples and I take 1, how many do I have? I tell the kid 3, he tells me I'm wrong. I gotta know.

 

Moments later.

 

 

The Skip's Inner Monologue

 

Ha. That's a good one ... Stroman, smart kid. 1 Apple. Ha. What a guy. If there's 4 apples and you take 1, how many do ya have? What a guy ... I thought for sure 3 - not 1, but 3. Sure fooled me - but I took 1, of course, ha ... Can't wait to tell that one to my wife.

 

End Scene.

 

Yup

 

 

The Skip's Inner Monologue

 

Yup.

 

End scene.

 

The Cheese

 

 

(Off Screen) Grilli - 'Whatya want on it again, Skip?!

 

The Skip - 'Double ... I said double cheese, Grill!'

 

(Off Screen) Grilli - 'Got it, Skip! Got it!'

 

End scene.

 

The Paparazzi 

 

 

Background Story

 

It's the first work out in Dunedin, and the paparazzi have been waiting for hours to get that one shot of Gibbons. He's old school, and doesn't like the paparazzi - some might say he has a 'Marlon Brando' kind of approach with the media.

 

(Off Screen) The paparazzi - 'Gibbons! Gibbons! Just one shot!!! ... Just one shot!!!

 

The Skip's Inner Monologue

 

Alright ... Alright ... Alright. Hmm. Should I do the hand on the hip? Yeah, of course, hand on the hip, Ah! yes, and the bat lean. Hand on hip and casual bat lean... Okay, here we go and now.

 

John Gibbons looks over. The picture - the end result.

 

End Scene.

 

Yup: Part 2

 

 

The Skip's Inner Monologue

 

Yup.

 

End scene.

 

 

 

 -THE END-

 

 

 

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